Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Strange search engine queries 2

Due to a total lack of popular demand following our last thrilling instalment, here are some more of the stranger tides that have caused storm-tossed netizens to wash up on the seldom-visited desert island of my blog:

To kick off, it's great to see people still looking for 'thug narwhals' and 'axolotl piano', two of my all-time favourite '80's  indie bands. Maybe they were researching the legendary lost recording of Axolotl Piano's John Peel session.

tram party - first, find your tram, break out the Bacardi Breezers, stick some Axolotl Piano on the boombox, then you'll be sorted, my friend.

extreme gushing - so you caught a bit of Andrew Marr's mini-series about the Queen, too? Bummer.

animals i can kill with my bare hands workaholics - well, bees would be your obvious first choice, although your bare hands may swell up to the size of boxing gloves afterwards.

dead weasel - I warned you about making the poor thing go 'pop'. And if you carry on knocking that monkey off the table with a stick, I'm ringing the RSPCA.

i secretly loathe the colorblind - thank you for sharing, Mr Lansley. If your loathing extends to everybody else who uses the National Health Service, that might begin to explain the thinking behind your health care reforms. And stop looking for 'pictures of unemployed people' - they're not funny.

In this age of 'big horse inflation' it's no surprise to find someone seeking a 'double decker horse trailer', although I can't condone its use for a 'furry horse porn' photo shoot. Speaking of which...

'naughty stuff' - oi! I'm a good girl, I am!

'ladies urine point photo' - 'ee ain't no proper gentleman! 'Ee promised me 'ee could pass me off as a duchess, but then 'ee goes an' whips out 'is camera the moment I gets caught short, without so much as a 'by your leave'.

Well, at least we may be thankful that his depravity did not extend to 'tank girl cosplay', my dear.

Speaking of niche interests, I'm not entirely convinced that the collectibles market is ready for a 'lizzie borden action figure', although time may prove me wrong on that one.

'2012 please be good to me' - I'd like to make your dreams come true but, realistically, the best you can expect round here is more of the same old 'people making fun of people'.