Showing posts with label CREDIT CRUNCH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CREDIT CRUNCH. Show all posts

Thursday, 19 June 2014

Soggy bottom avoidance fail

It seemed like a good idea at the time. A non-stick pizza pan, with holes to get hot air to the bottom of the cooking pizza dough, thus avoiding soggy-bottomed pizza misery.* In theory.

Sadly, this cunning plan doesn't work. What actually happens is that the pizza dough slumps through the holes. It doesn't slump very far, but just enough to form little buttons that, once crisped up in the oven, firmly attach the pizza base to the pan, regardless of any non-stick coating.

When I've sourced a replacement, expect another, hopefully more positive, product review.


*You can't always blame your tools for this condition - if your topping's overly generous, or sloppy enough to seep too far into the dough, then a crisp bottom will never be yours, no matter how good your pizza pan / stone.

Friday, 20 September 2013

Blackmailers make off with £141bn haul

Nobody has been  arrested in connection with a  £141bn extortion racket run by a gang who took control of the British economy in 2008. Millions of British taxpayers were blackmailed into handing over the money with threats of imminent financial ruin if they failed to comply.

The money was transferred from UK taxpayers between 2007 and March 2013, a Met Police spokesman said. Intelligence sources suggest that the extorted money has been used to pay gang members' gambling debts and to make good losses incurred after the collapse of a pyramid scheme the gang had been running.

According to Detective Inspector Mark Raymond 'Those responsible for this offence are significant players within a sophisticated and determined organised criminal network, who used considerable technical abilities and traditional criminal know-how to infiltrate and exploit the banking system.'

In other news, eight people have been arrested in connection with a £1.3m theft by a gang who took control of a Barclays Bank computer.

A spokesperson for the British Bankers' Association described the perpetrators of the Barclays cyber-heist as 'pathetic amateurs.'

Thursday, 2 June 2011

The world didn't end on May 21st...

... but there's still this, more plausible, apocalyptic scenario to worry about:


$8.1 trillion


$8.5 trillion




$8.1 trillion is the total cost of everything the USA has ever spent on every major war and government project in the entire history of the nation, going right back to the American Revolution (adjusted for inflation).

$8.5 trillion is how much the US taxpayer spent on bailing out the banks after the 2008 crisis (according to Casey Research)

The figures are taken from a post at Naked Capitalism, cheerily entitled We Are on the Verge of a Great, Great Depression. Sweet dreams, everybody.

Saturday, 14 May 2011

Standing up for the apathetic majority?

Nobody knows exactly how many people went on the 2011 anti-cuts rally in London, but the estimates range from from 250,000 to 500,000. The TUC, who organised the march, had an initial estimate of 250,000, which they later revised upwards. The Metropolitan Police didn't put out any alternative estimate. A police spokeswoman said the force only put out its own estimate of the numbers of people on a demonstration when it disagreed with the figures being given by the organisers.

The Taxpayers' Alliance made no comment about the numbers attendeding the anti-cuts protest. Today, the Taxpayers Alliance and chums have organised their own rally, on behalf of 'the silent majority who believe the cuts are needed.' The Metropolitan Police are expecting the turnout to be about 350. Those attending include bloggatarian ranter Paul Staines, AKA Guido Fawkes, the terribly misunderstood Toby Young (if he's not too busy attending a children's pirate party), Ed West, fearless crusader against 'hysterical anti-government propaganda', former Lib Dem spokesman Mark Littlewood (now director of a free-market think tank) and Nigel Farage.

350 isn't exactly a lot of popular support, especially if you subtract the gaggle of high-profile right-wing hacks, think tankers and obsessive bloggatarians and leave only the representatives of Joe and Joanne Public who turn out. No wonder the Taxpayers' alliance were keeping so quiet about the size of the anti-cuts rally.

If these people really represent the majority, as they claim, then most people must be apathetic as well as silent. If they do stay at home, they could always tune in to the news and get the latest on how Osborne’s cuts are helping the UK economy to power ahead of its European rivals - not.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Also in the news

Can the Prime Minister confirm that after his changes are introduced, English students will pay the highest fees of any public university system in the industrialised world?

Asked Ed Miliband at prime minister's question time, back in December. Channel 4's FactCheck blog took a look at the figures and concluded that students at English public universities will almost certainly be paying the highest tuition fees in the industrialised world. Not just higher than those in Europe, Canada and Australia, but higher than the fees charged by public universities in the USA. Of course, FactCheck had no way of knowing how many universities would charge the maximum £9,000

 Back here, Universities UK said it couldn’t say what universities would charge after 2012, when higher fees are introduced. And that’s an important point – because it’s safe to presume not all universities will charge the top limit of £9,000. So, we just don’t yet know who will charge what and so what the average will be.

Well, the list of top chargers is beginning to be populated. The BBC is now reporting that The University of Essex has joined Surrey, Oxford, Imperial College, Durham and Exeter in announcing plans to charge the maximum £9,000 annual tuition fees.

In related news, the government have announced new restrictions on overseas students wishing to study in the UK, choking off another source of finance for cash-strapped universities.

This won't make the headlines, as it's not exactly a slow news day, but it's an issue that'll be hanging around for a long time.

Update: the University of Manchester's just joined the £9 grand club, too - today must have looked like a good day to bury bad news

Thursday, 3 March 2011

Don't mention the cuts!

Warning: this post may contain traces of sarcasm and a parody of nut-based Daily Mail editorials.

Honestly, you couldn't make it up. Now we read that the BBC is under pressure to censor news broadcasts to avoid upsetting those politically correct killjoys in the government. Apparently, reporters are no longer allowed to use the word 'cuts, in case it offends some humourless government apparatchik. A new politically-correct language guide orders reporters to use the word 'savings' as a 'positive' and less offensive alternative. Talk about political correctness gone barking mad!

Imagine what this policy of censorship would have done to our old and cherished comedies! Basil Fawlty would have had a knock on the door in the middle of the night from the Thought Police of The PC Brigade and been sent away for a spot of political re-eduction for this:

Listen, don't mention the cuts! I mentioned them once, but I think I got away with it all right.

So! It's all forgotten now, and let's hear no more about it. So, that's one diced pork à la Eric Pickles, chopped liver Osborne, some thinly sliced salami, a filleted NHS, and some selected cuts of meat from our carvery.
As Major Tufton Bufton, editor of Jane's World Armies, said, 'We live in politically correct times and what these rulebooks do is keep the politicians happy.'

Monday, 28 February 2011

That's what I call a Big Society Bank...

Cambridge protesters took over a city bank and turned it into a library.

As part of the nationwide UK Uncut campaign against the Government’s cuts, a group of protesters occupied both the Royal Bank of Scotland and Natwest banks in the city centre on Saturday - turning Natwest into a makeshift library.

University and school students, alongside children and parents, sat on the floor of the bank and read stories to each other.

The read-in was a comment on the threat to the county’s libraries - 13 of which are under review.

From Cambridge First

Sunday, 20 February 2011

HR departments and bankers: the axis of evil

Workers are meant to be free to reveal criminal offences and failure by their firms to comply with legal obligations. The law sounds impressive, but it insists that an employee must go to his or her employer before they go public.

"It is like telling a mouse to go to the cat," David Buckle, one of London's leading employment lawyers, told me. If the employer thinks the employee may talk to the press or the authorities, he will suspend him or her and deny them access to the computer system. In Britain, the HR department of every major public or private bureaucracy knows what to do next. It tells the lawyers to seek a gagging injunction from the courts, which the judiciary will grant without demur.

Nick Cohen, writing in The Observer, on how the banks gagged any insiders who tried to point out that they were driving the economy off a cliff. If the whistle blowers had been heard and listened to, maybe we wouldn't have sleepwalked, unprepared, into the crash of '08. Lessons should have been learned, but they haven't. Now they've realised that they got away scot free, unapologetic bankers are crawling out of the woodwork, whining about the unfairness of people who dare to criticise or scrutinize them:

Frankly, the biggest issue is how do we put some of the blame game behind us? There was a period of remorse and apology for banks – that period needs to be over. 

Bob Diamond of Barclays trying to put our elected representatives in their place.

I beg to differ. Frankly, the biggest issue is how do we stop them doing it again? Rigorous oversight and protection of whistle blowers would be a good place to start. As Nick Cohen writes:

The banks are as great a threat to our national security as a foreign enemy. We collect intelligence on hostile powers. Why should we not collect it on the hostile City?
 Read the whole thing here - it's worth five minutes of anybody's time.

*Catbert is the evil director of human resources in Scott Adams' Dilbert comic strip.

Friday, 21 January 2011

Choosing sides

Now you believe either that George Osborne’s deflationary policy to reduce the deficit is a disaster falling on those least able to bear it or that it is a necessary response to a national emergency. You believe that the recession was caused either by the folly of the bankers or the extravagance of Gordon Brown. In short, you are either left-wing or right-wing. You must choose, for you cannot be both.

Nick Cohen

I'm moderately cheered by Ed Balls' unexpected accession to the Shadow Chancellorship.  I can see a couple of reasons to be cheerful:

1. The coalition have a simple message that they want and need the public to hear and believe - that there is no alternative to massive cuts in services, immediate job losses and dismantling as much of the public sector as possible, as quickly as possible.  Labour front benchers who fail to challenge that message and don't propose anything other than slightly watering down what the coalition are already doing might as well give up, go home, and not come back until they've worked out what they went into politics to achieve. At least Ed Balls still believes there is an alternative:

Mr Balls said Prime Minister David Cameron and Chancellor George Osborne were damaging the economy with their deep cuts to public spending to try to erase a deficit of more than 10 per cent of national output.

"Our task ahead is to take on George Osborne and David Cameron's decision to cut too far and too fast, recklessly putting jobs and growth at risk," Mr Balls said.

"We will hold them to account for the decisions they have taken. There is an alternative: A fair economy which puts jobs and growth first."
Today online
.
2. Ed Balls seems capable of mastering his brief and giving George Osborne a seriously hard time:

The good news for the Labour Party is that they've got themselves a new, combative, economically literate shadow Chancellor, a man who was put on God's good green earth to make George Osborne's life intolerable.
The Independent

Not before time - bring it on. 
My cheerfulness is moderated by a few other considerations:

1. We're told that Balls was an enthusiastic participant in Labour's civil wars, industriously briefing against rivals and not above stabbing a few backs. He also has a reputation as a bit of a bully, which wouldn't raise him in my estimation. How much of this is true and how much is just gossip and smear, I have no way of knowing. A swift reading of the comments thread on this post at Harry's Place confirms that some people out there do really hate him. All this internal bickering sounds worryingly like the Judean People's Front v. the People's Front of Judea to me.

2. His voting record on asylum, ID Cards and anti-terrorism places firmly him on Labour's authoritarian wing.

3. He's yet another top politician who just happens to have been privately educated.* In these hard times Osborne and two thirds of his cabinet colleagues are vulnerable to the charge that they belong to a privileged, out of touch, élite, but if Balls attacks on that front, this is the sort of response he's likely to get:

Labour gives Osborne a load of stick from being an upper class, privately educated snob who wears a semi-permanent smirk. Now they have Balls, who is an upper class, privately educated snob who, err, wears a permanent smirk.
I have my reservations, but if Ed Balls has made the choice to actively and effectively oppose the coalition rather than just feebly bobbing along in its wake, we may yet see that smirk wiped off Osborne's face.


* At Nottingham High School, which may be a snip compared with Eton, but is still way beyond the means of most of Balls' constituents (I'm assuming he didn't win a scholarship).

Thursday, 28 October 2010

The price of bread and circuses

There is a really interesting new book by an economist Raghuram Rajan called Fault Lines. He argues that what led to the change was not just greedy banks, but growing social inequality in the West.

And - to put it crudely - when western governments were threatened by growing protests and dissatisfaction with this inequality, they simply bought the people off by giving them a mass of cheap money.

Raghuram Rajan has an extraordinary statistic. That if you look at the the growth in real incomes between 1976 and 2007, 58% of it went to the top 1%.

Faced with this, governments made a political choice. Rather than reform society, they removed all restrictions, gave up on their moral disapproval, and allowed a system to be created by the bankers that let everyone borrow.

It was better to give in and allow the "little people" to borrow rather than let them keep on striking and threaten social order. And what's more you could make lots of money out of it.
The BBC's Adam Curtis, back in June, summarising Raghuram G. Rajan’s Fault Lines. Rajan's book has just won the Financial Times and Goldman Sachs Business Book of the Year Award. Yet the housing bubble, which was an integral part of the debt crisis. is being quietly airbrushed out of the picture and our patrician rulers are endlessly - if inaccurately - trying to pin the blame for our troubles on the welfare state and public services that at least went some way towards ironing out the massive inequalities that caused this almighty mess in the first place.

It'll be interesting to see what happens now that the social lubricant of worry-free debt has dried up. "Interesting" as in the famous curse "may you live in interesting times"...

Friday, 10 September 2010

Scroungers in the bike shed

Ben Chu at the Independent writes about the new Barclays chief, Bob Diamond:

Much attention has centred on his remuneration... In 2007 alone he earned $42m (£27m). And he will soon be earning up to £11.5m a year... What should concern us is less the size of Diamond's bonus than his gargantuan ambition and his minuscule judgement...


Diamond, as head of Barclays' investment banking arm, Barclays Capital, pushed hard for his firm to buy the Dutch bank ABN Amro during the credit bubble. The only reason the deal did not happen is that Barclays was outbid by an even more reckless banker, in the shape of Fred Goodwin of the Royal Bank of Scotland.


Diamond was at it again when the Wall Street firm Lehman Brothers found itself in serious trouble in 2008. The Barclays man was determined that the Wall Street giant would be his. And this, remember, is before Lehman filed for bankruptcy, an event so catastrophic that it sent the global economy into its worst slump since the Great Depression.

Just consider what would have happened if Diamond had got his way on either occasion. The toxic assets of ABN drove the Royal Bank of Scotland to the brink of destruction in 2008. Barclays would have been ruined in exactly the same way if it had secured the "prize" instead. An acquisition of Lehman would have been even more deadly. We now know that the Wall Street bank was already doomed, long before Barclays tried to buy it. A Barclays takeover would have put the British bank at the epicentre of the inevitable global economic meltdown. It was sheer dumb luck that Barclays avoided disaster.
This sort of context makes George Osborne's headline-hogging attack on the tiny subset of 'people who think that it's a lifestyle choice to just sit on out of work benefits' sound staggeringly petty and irrelevant. I wonder, though, whether there's method in the madness of picking on a small and relatively unimportant issue:

Parkinson dramatizes his Law of Triviality with a committee's deliberations on a nuclear power plant, contrasting it to deliberation on a bicycle shed. A nuclear reactor is used because it is so vastly expensive and complicated that an average person cannot understand it, so they assume that those working on it understand it. Even those with strong opinions often withhold them for fear of being shown to be insufficiently informed. On the other hand, everyone understands a bicycle shed (or thinks he or she does), so building one can result in endless discussions because everyone involved wants to add his or her touch and show that they have contributed. While discussing the bikeshed, debate emerges over whether the best choice of roofing is aluminium, asbestos, or galvanized iron, rather than whether the shed is a good idea or not.

In this context, everybody understands, or thinks they understand, why it's unfair that they have to work for what they have, when they think somebody else is getting something for nothing. It seems as easy to understand as a bicycle shed (although it's actually a bit more complicated than that). The world of securitization, credit default swaps, asset ratios and collateralized debt obligations sounds as complex and hard to understand as the inner workings of a nuclear power plant. Fixing the meltdown in the nuclear plant and making sure it doesn't happen again might be the most important thing on the agenda, but it's difficult, and a bike-shed-sized sound-bite about welfare "scroungers" is easy.

A relentless focus on the bike shed-sized issues can be quite useful. The Spending Challenge website has encouraged members of the public to "buy in" to the government's agenda of economic shock therapy and endorsed a few ideas for savings of a million quid here or there, thus creating an illusion of "engagement" and "empowerment", whilst ministers get on with making the big decisions they were always going to make. Pure PR Gold from Dave and Nick's Big Book of Diversionary Tactics.

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

The Notorious B.I.G..

Some people seem to find this "big society" idea confusing. I can't think why - it's quite simple:

Problem - the public finances are in a mess, because the last government had to:

a) bail out a lot of financial institutions that failed due to the collapse of the speculative bubble that they created

and

b) pump a lot of money into the economy to stop the resulting recession tipping over into depression.

Solution - balance the books by quickly cutting public services and making lots of people in the public sector unemployed (the crisis wasn't caused by these people, but they need to suffer because we're all in this together). This might be unpopular with some people, but with a bit of clever PR, you can make everybody else resent and hate public sector workers by pointing out that, although generally on modest pay, these people might occasionally have half way decent terms and conditions or even a pension that isn't just a worthless piece of junk flogged by some weasel-faced commission monkey, (the Tories and their little helpers, of course, don't do the politics of envy).

Inconveniently, a lot of public sector workers actually do useful things and people might miss some of the services they provide. No problem - after all, in these hard times there are plenty of under-employed people with way too much time on their hands (soon to be joined by many more unemployed ex-public sector workers). Why wouldn't these people want to step in and provide useful public services, in their own time for no payment? After all it's about time some radical free-market think tankers fearlessly questioned people's selfish notion that they should actually get paid for doing something useful. What's wrong with these dreadful oiks - don't they know that it's terribly common to go on about money?

Fortunately, the state can grab a nice little pot of other people's money to get this spiffy free market idea off the ground. What could possibly go wrong?

Given that "the big society" is such an rigorous, consistent and foolproof idea, it's astonishing how some people still don't get it:

Here’s a tip Dave…pay people to do the jobs that need doing and take the money to pay them with from your banksta pals! Surely they would be pleased to “volunteer” their surplus cash!


writes Harpymarx - like, DUR!

Friday, 26 February 2010

Talkin' 'bout Y generation

It's just occurred to me that I'm a member of Generation Y. No, not that Generation Y - I'm far too old for that. No, the Y-fronts Generation - males who grew up wearing Y-fronts (AKA "jockey shorts", "jockeys" or "briefs"elsewhere in the English-speaking world).

As a kid I was, unknowingly, the beneficiary of two great complimentary advances in male comfort break technology - the Y-front underwear closure and the zip trouser fly

The zip (zipper, zip fastener) had been evolving for a long time before it was used to close trouser flies. In 1851, Elias Howe (better known as one of the pioneers of the sewing machine) devised a clothing closure operated by locking a series of clasps together. Unlike a modern zip fastener, the clasps were pulled together not by a slider but by a string and the device, although ingenious, didn't work very well.

A device incorporating a slider was developed by Whitcomb L. Judson in the 1890's. This looked more like a modern zip fastener, but the design wasn't perfected and made reliable until 1914, when Gideon Sundback came up with his "Hookless Fastener No. 2" which improved on earlier designs by adding a dimple to the bottom of each zip tooth and a nib to the top. This design, which ensured that the zip teeth stayed firmly together, was the zip as w know it today. First used on boots and tobacco pouches, it took another twenty years for zips to be regularly incorporated into clothing. In the conservative world of men's tailoring, the zip fly first began to challenge the button fly in the late '30's going on to supplant buttons over the following decade or so.

In 1935, just as the trouser zip was beginning to appear, Arthur Kneibler in Chicago was rolling out the first "Jockey briefs". Mr Kneibler boasted the enviable job title of "apparel engineer" for a company called Coopers. Where the rise of the zip fly was slow and steady, Kniebler's Jockey briefs were an immediate hit - despite being launched in the long-john weather of a cold Chicago January, 30,000 flew off the shelves of the Marshall Field & Co department store in the first three months. Coopers was eventually re-named Jockey International after the company's most famous product.

By 1938, Y-fronts had reached Britain, with Simpson's of Piccadilly shifting 3,000 pairs a week. In the 1948 London Olympic Games, every male member of the British Olympic squad was given a free pair of Y-fronts. In subsequent years, Y-fronts supplanted long johns (aided, no doubt, by the rise of central heating) and saw off the challenge of boxer shorts (invented in the 1920s) to become the default undergarments for most males.

I grew up with Y-fronts and zip flies and I didn't realise just how convenient this combination was until, in later life, I experimented with the alternatives. The button fly has made occasional, self-consciously retro, comebacks, most famously in the shape Levi's "501" jeans (I'm way too far from being fashion-forward to have ever owned a pair myself), but they're not as efficient:

Have you ever wonder about the logic behind a pair of pants that takes an extra 10 seconds to unbutton, an extra 15 seconds to button? Many can even argue that buttons close the fly less completely and less efficiently than a zipper. So why do some many of the premium brands only offer button fly jeans?
Comedian Jerry Seinfeld let the world know that he only wears button fly. During an episode of his hit TV show Jerry stated: "That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need interlocking metal teeth. It's like a mink trap down there."


As for Seinfeld's "mink trap" gag, well, I've used zip flies for forty-odd years. Even during those irresponsible years of young adulthood when I'd occasionally drink myself into near-oblivion, I've never experienced one of those zip-related accidents of which male nightmares are made, or known anybody else who has (although I suppose it wouldn't necessarily be an experience you'd want to share with the world), so I've concluded that zips are quicker, more convenient and mostly harmless.

As for the alternatives to Y-fronts, the 1980's seemed to be the time when Y-fronts started to lose street cred. Fashion doesn't exactly play an important part in my life - actually knowing who Gok Wan is probably represents about the most trend-aware piece of information in my head right now. But even I'm not immune to marketing and to what appears on the shelves, and back in the '80s I got the message that Y-fronts were a bit sad and were the sort of garments worn by men whose clothing was still bought by their mums. Accordingly, I moved to boxers. They seemed a bit cooler in summer (although you didn't get the benefit if you were wearing something relatively tight, like jeans). Indeed, the loose fit of boxers was part of their appeal. There were dark rumours that tighter garments like Y-fronts were making men less fertile by keeping their sperm too hot (rumours not supported by the latest evidence, by the way).

Fashion victims like me having forsaken the Y-front for the boxer, soon began to appreciate the cost of eagerly pursuing all the latest fads and trends. Riding a bike in boxers can be a distinctly uncomfortable experience, especially on rough roads. There are some parts of a bloke's anatomy that don't benefit from being crushed and battered between the weight of his body and an unyielding bicycle saddle. I've only ever ridden a horse in tight underwear (no, I was wearing the underwear, not the horse - keep up), but I imagine that horse riding in boxers must be even more painful.

Boxers also had social drawbacks. Many boxers lacked even a button closure at the front of the fly, gaping open at the slightest provocation; even boxers with buttons could ride up in a revealing fashion or be left open by the absent-minded. When crashing for the night on a friend's floor, a guest sleeping over in boxers rather than Y-fronts was in constant danger of "unintentional and embarrassing disarray", as the early promoters of the zip fly coyly put it. The Y-front closure, in contrast, keeps things in place, yet accessible, at all times.

This is why, even after switching to boxers, I've always had the odd pair of fashion-backward but reliable and practical Y-fronts at the back of my drawer.

If the eighties were bad for Y-fronts, the Britain of the nineties was even worse, as the cartoonist Steve Bell mercilessly mocked John Major as a useless superhero, wearing his Y-fronts over his trousers. Not a look to emulate, although one that clearly did it for Edwina Currie.

There are other alternatives to the boxer, for example the very, very skimpy type of skin-tight posing-pouch-type briefs without any flies favoured by body-building types. I've never felt comfortable with these, as I don't have the body for them and the up-and-over style of urination they dictate just feels wrong. Mostly, these days, I use the sort of trunks that have the same leg-length and waistband height as boxers, but are tighter, usually with a button fly. They don't suffer from the same lack of support as boxers and are (I'm assured) more flattering than Y-fronts. What they lack, though is the convenience of the Y-front fly - a closure that stays closed when you want it to, but still allows easy access without any button-related fumbling at the urinal. Combined with the zip fly, the Y-front closure is still, IMHO, an overlooked design classic.

The last time I was in M and S, stocking up on undies, I couldn't help noticing that the Y-fronts were confined to a few small and insignificant rails in a display dominated by button-fronted trunks. Perhaps the bottom really has fallen out of the market and the age of the Y-front is drawing to a close.

A bloke from Debenhams recently quoted sales figures suggesting that Y-fronts are making a come-back in these recessionary times - he speculated that Y-fronts "provide a much greater sense of security than loose-fitting boxers, and perhaps, in these troubled times, that's what men need to feel." Don't you just love spokespeople doing pop psychology, or, as I prefer to think of it, just making up any old tosh that might fit the facts? Maybe he's right - more bizarre fashions have come back from the grave - but I'll take more convincing that this isn't just a blip in a long story of decline. My only hope for the future is that somebody has come up with, or will come up with, a closure for trunk-style underpants as elegant and efficient as the Y-front closure. I've never previously spent much time thinking about the design of underpants, but next time I go shopping for some, I'll be on the look out to see whether anybody has efficiently closed this gap in the market and produced a male undergarment fit for the 21st Century.

Terry Kirby's fine article "The undercover story: A briefs history of Y fronts" in The Independent was the source for much of the Y-front related trivia above.

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Song of the day

I enjoyed this Pete Seeger recording, posted on The Daily (Maybe) blog today. I wonder If somebody else was listening to the Royal Bank of Scotland Chief exec. on the radio this morning? Well, we own a fair chunk of those marble banks now, but somehow things haven't changed all that much.

How's the weather on your planet?

The state-supported Royal Bank of Scotland, which made a loss of £24.3 billion loss last year (the most enormous loss ever made by any British company), has made a loss of £3.6 billion this year.

For the record, a £3.6 billion loss (in a year when markets have risen strongly) still isn't small change. Compare and contrast - last year, Tesco made a record profit of around £3 billion. Just give that a moment to sink in; £3 billion represents the largest annual profit ever made by a company that's a household name, the biggest supermarket chain in this country, a retail behemoth with 30% market share, over 2,000 stores across the country, a company so huge and powerful that there's a campaign group "Tescopoly" specifically set up to protest against Tesco's alleged abuse of its dominant market position.

As a reward for losing £3.6 billion, RBS will be awarding its highly-paid investment bankers £1.3 billion in bonuses. On the Radio 4 Today programme this morning, RBS Chief Executive Officer Stephen Hester defended the pay-out:

We have tried to tread a very careful line between paying the minimum that we could possibly get away with, as I've said many times, but also creating a situation where the people of RBS do not feel unfairly discriminated against...


Fortunately, I'd already finished my breakfast when he said that, or I'd have choked on it. Yes, I did hear him right - Stephen Hester thinks that not giving investment bankers working a for a failed company which is 84% owned by the state and is supported by massive guarantees from taxpayers, a £1.3 billion package of bonuses in a year when that bank is, by any reasonable standards, making a huge loss, would be unfair discrimination. He really said it

Major reality check, Mr Hester. If you're unsure what "unfair discrimination" looks like, do a bit of research. Google it. Examine the lives of a few people who've suffered genuine unfair discrimination or who have fought against it, often at great personal cost. Check out Nelson Mandela, Emmeline Pankhurst, Rosa Parks, Alan Turing, Mary Wollstonecraft and Peter Tatchell for starters. Then tell me whether RBS investment bankers belong on that list. I'll give you a clue. They don't.

You are talking about well-paid individuals, working for a failed business. If they'd had the misfortune to be working for any other sort of company that had gone bust through mismanagement, they wouldn't be counting the size of their bonuses, they'd be out of a job. They are remarkably lucky, privileged people to still be in work, supported by the taxpayer, during a massive economic downturn, largely caused by the corporate greed and irresponsibility of their own organisation and ones like it.

And they say MPs are out of touch.

Thursday, 11 February 2010

News, views and numbers

Here are two pet hates in news reporting that I definitely share:

1. “Will say later today” : If someone is going to say something, wait until they’ve said it. If they haven’t said it yet, cover something that someone has said....

2.”according to a new report” : You know what reports are? They’re somebody writing down what they think about stuff. What someone thinks about stuff isn’t news. It’s just what someone thinks.


Read the rest here. I can add one other pet hate - the incessant use of the word "swingeing"* meaning very harsh or severe. There seems to be an unwritten journalistic rule that all cuts are "swingeing". In over four and a half decades of listening to the gloriously multitudinous assemblage of people who use the English tongue, I've never, ever, heard the word "swingeing" used anywhere except in news reports. Come on, guys, if you really must force the same, unimaginative prefix into every other bit of copy, at least use a word the rest of the world uses.

"Swingeing", though, is just a very minor peeve of mine - the constant use of this stale word is just an annoyance, but the amount of "news" time clogged up with rubbish about what people are about to say and uncritically reported PR filler is a real menace. Especially when the real news is quite incredible enough to make anybody stop and think:

I wonder if the cost of the new "Independent" Parliamentary Standards Authority - a staggering £6.5 million per year - will cause the same level as anger as the duck houses and plasma-screen TVs that led the government to set it up in the first place. Somehow I doubt it. But it should.

£6.5 million represents around £10,000 per MP. As the BBC report points out, it's almost six times the total amount being paid back by assorted troughers. Cutting back on abuses, it seems, will cost far more money than the abuses themselves.

Writes the heresiarch.

To recap (in round figures):

Cost of inflated/inappropriate expenses claims to be paid back by MPs - £1,200,000

Cost of the enquiry into those expenses - £1,100,000

Cost of a standards authority to scrutinise future expenses claims - £6,500,000 per annum

Cost of rescuing failed British banks - £850,000,000,000

Yes, between them, a collection of MPs managed to fiddle just over a million quid out of the taxpayers in dodgy expenses. The enquiry that looked into the affair cost the taxpayer almost as much again. To make sure that the same thing doesn't happen again in future, the taxpayer will have to pony up six and a half million every year. Yet the whole expenses scandal is the merest of small change in comparison with the really big story it pushed off the front pages - the billions pocketed by sections of an ill-regulated financial services industry to save it from itself (and, more importantly, to save the rest of us during what, even with the bail out, has beenthe longest lasting contraction since records began).

These sort of facts, speak loud and clear for themselves, and represent real news and context, as opposed to whatever happens to be today's piece of PR-puff "research" or a press release about what some tedious politician is about to say in a "keynote"** speech that's being eagerly awaited by precisely nobody at all.

*tr.v. swinged, swinge·ing also swing·ing, swing·es ArchaicTo punish with blows; thrash; beat.


[Middle English swengen, to shake, dash, from Old English swengan.]

The Free Dictionary

** "Keynote" - a piece of journalese almost as annoying as "swingeing"

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Der gute Mensch von Bonn

The general uselessness of banks had, of course, been noted long before the current financial crisis:

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.


Mark Twain

One German bank employee recently decided it would be a good idea for her bank to actually meet people's needs, rather than leaving them to get wet. Of course, she was punished, to encourage the others:

Just when you'd heard about enough about the halfhearted non-apology from Goldman Sachs Chair Lloyd Blankfein and the attempts by Wall Street and big banks to quash new reforms that might save us from the recklessness that could lead to yet another meltdown, here comes the story of a banker to be thankful for.

Of course, instead of a big bonus, she got a 22-month suspended sentence for her deeds.

The 62-year-old branch head of a German bank admitted to using the bank accounts of wealthy customers to float struggling ones so that they didn't have to pay exorbitant overdraft fees. The unnamed woman was likened by her lawyer to the title character in the 1939 Bertolt Brecht play Mother Courage and Her Children...


Thanks to the Buzzflash blog for that one. Justice has now been seen to done. According to Spiegel Online:

The woman has now joined the ranks of the poor she once tried to protect. She is living in a small apartment with her ailing mother. The bulk of her meager early retirement pension is being withheld to cover her €1.1 million debt to the bank.


and to the victors, the spoils:

According to the Office for National Statistics, the sum paid in bonuses to UK bankers in the first five months of this year – during a belt-tightening era – was £7.6 billion.

That last quote was from those well-known lefty class warriors at the Telegraph. Further comment is, I think, superfluous.

Monday, 19 October 2009

We're all in this together 2

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the bank...

Royal Bank of Scotland, the same people who sacked 15,000 staff worldwide last year, are set to hand £4bn in bonuses- mainly to its investment banking arm....

Remember that, following last year's bail-out, 70% of RBS is owned by the taxpayer. That means that the taxpayer will foot the bill for 70% (£2.8bn) of those bonuses.

Two weeks ago, at the Conservative Party conference, George Osborne showed us where his priorities are as he reminded us that "we're-all-in-this-together", unveiling his urgent plans to reform incapacity benefits that would save "more than £1bn over the next Parliament".

This is while 65,000 homes will have been repossessed by the end of 2009, and while tens of thousands of people are seeing their final salary pension schemes slashed and mangled because of City investments going tits up.

At RBS they're all-in-this-together alright.


Courtesy of Hagley Road To Ladywood and The Independent on Sunday Risks nationalized, profits privatized, bubbly all round in the board room ... are you feeling the warm glow of solidarity yet?

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

I wouldn't be surprised

France has the best quality of life out of Europe's biggest countries, while Britain has the worst despite having the highest incomes, a study says.

I've no idea how rigorous this study is, but it contrasts with years of hearing British politicians subjecting their continental counterparts to tedious lectures on how they need to modernise, deregulate and become more like Britain. Maybe the British way of doing things wasn't that impressive after all - perhaps all we've been doing is running furiously round like hamsters in a wheel just to stay in the same place - so much for Anglo-Saxon "efficiency":

It revealed that Britain had the highest net household income ... but much of this is spent on a higher cost of living.


And of course, those high incomes are taking a battering:

The report warned that Britain's quality of life was likely to fall further because of the recession, which has pushed unemployment to nearly 2.5 million and will likely result in public spending cuts.


Read more here (originally spotted by The Null Device).

Monday, 27 July 2009

Going nowhere

I heard someone on Radio 4 trying out a new word this morning. "Staycation"; it sounds a bit like "vacation" and is supposed to mean not going abroad on your holidays. Quite topical in these recessionary times, but I'd be surprised if it catches on and I'll eat my sun hat if it gets into any dictionary you've ever heard of.