Friday, 6 July 2012

The camapaign to outlaw chastity

I hadn't previously come across this particular conspiracy, but it's been spotted by an eagle-eyed member of the persecuted religious right, so it must be true. Most of the blog post in question would be familiar to British readers as your standard Daily Mail comments section-style boilerplate whinge about health and safety gone mad (also known as 'the nanny state' by the sort of people who were actually brought up by a nanny). The last assertion, with its startling claim that teh liberulz now want to outlaw chastity is, however, a new and original addition to the liberal conspiracy theory:
 Action is outlawed
So, trans-fats must be outlawed, because trans-fats are likely to increase heart disease.
Smoking must be outlawed or heavily taxed, because it causes lung disease.
Big Gulps must be outlawed, because they make us obese.

Non-Action is outlawed
Refusing to wear seat belts is outlawed because that increases car accident injuries.
Refusing to pay a tax must be outlawed because that leads to insufficient income for our betters.
Refusing to have sex (chastity) must be outlawed because that encourages us to believe in God.

The liberals aren't authoritarian in everything EXCEPT sex.
They are authoritarian in everything INCLUDING sex.
It'd be interesting to find out exactly which jurisdiction is planning to pass this extraordinary piece of legislation (presumably one of those outrageously socially liberal US states). I'm sure that citations will follow, giving specific details, for example, of which authorities or liberal pressure groups are planning to ban chastity, which age groups will be affected (presumably under sixteens and pensioners will be excused sex, so long as they can produce the relevant ID), the proposed mechanisms for enforcing any legislation, what frequency of sexual intercourse would be required to stay on the right side of the law and so on.

It all sounds more than a tad difficult to enforce, but there would be a potential upside for any legislature that passed such a law - they could expect an enormous uptick in tourism revenues and record takings in local bars* and fast food outlets, having become the holiday destination of choice for every teenage boy on the planet able to scrape together the cost of a plane ticket.  

Ah, the good old religious right. Whatever gave anybody the wholly unjustified impression that they were a bunch of swivel-eyed, sex-obsessed conspiracy nuts with a massive persecution complex?

* Update - I'd temporarily forgotten that, assuming we're talking about the Land Of The Free, under 21s probably wouldn't be allowed in bars.