Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

In my unofficial contest for the most hilarious response to Theresa May's epic disaster of a party conference speech, the winner is ... Alex Deane's piece for City A.M:

A calm conference ends with Teflon Theresa 

As the 2017 party conference season draws to a close, the left will think that it won the battle of the summits.

Labour’s conference on the coast was larger, rallyish, and more upbeat that the Conservative meeting this year – although it was more of a carnival celebrating the central figure of the feast than a conventional political meeting.

But the Tory conference passed off well enough, with all of the much-puffed possibilities for upsets which occupied so much press time in the run-up to it evaporating on first contact with reality.

In terms of the biggest issue of our time, the party in the country at large is far more united on supporting Brexit and getting on with it than the outbursts from some among the parliamentary membership might imply.

Opportunities to make this point crystal clear were certainly not missed by the grassroots at drinks parties and in fringe meetings.

This is useful spine-stiffening stuff. Our media talks as if Brexit is tomorrow. We have time. David Davis’ calm and measured discussion of the negotiations, alongside Liam Fox’s optimism on the trade front, were the key Brexit takeaways in a process that still has years to run.

As far as leadership muttering goes, every party endures “noises off”, and nothing in the Tory environment rivals even for a moment the Labour vendettas of the Blair-Brown years.

The Tory consensus in Manchester was that Theresa May will see us through Brexit and beyond, and indeed the Prime Minister’s tenacity can only be admired.

She battled through her speech with a challenging cough, her perseverance and humanity being the antithesis of the “maybot” she is said to be – something that the public will see is to her credit. Teflon Theresa marches on.

I'd be even more impressed if Alex managed to keep a straight face while writing that. If that was me, I'd have ended up involuntarily spraying coffee out of my nose all over the keyboard.

Alex Deane is a way better satirist than the joker who handed May a P45 mid-speech.  Respect.