Saturday, 6 July 2013

Kevin hearts Kevin

Readers of a certain age will remember The Undertones' acerbic take on the greatest love of all:
Girls try to attract his attention
But what a shame, it's in vain total rejection
He will never be left on the shelf
'Cause Kevin he's in love with himself
Now the Kevins* of the world can now solemnise their deep sense of self-commitment by joining themselves in matrimony. Apparently, people marrying themselves is a real thing.

Such a ceremony obviously has zero legal validity, although I don't suppose this will stop the opponents of marriage equality citing this phenomenon as proof that allowing gay people to get married would be the first step on the slippery slope towards a decadent dystopia full of depraved perverts marrying a sibling, both grandparents, all the Dagenham Girl Pipers, an iPad Mini, an egg whisk, a gerbil, or the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg as the fancy happens to take them.

I don't think we really want to dwell on the physical aspects of self-marriage, but anybody who thought that Kevin sounded like a bit of a tosser might enjoy one of the ruder bits in Joyce's Ulysses where the medical student Buck Mulligan amuses his drinking cronies with that classic of undergraduate humour, Everyman His Own Wife or A Honeymoon in the Hand.


*And Traceys, not to forget the Tarquins and Jocastas (you need to fast-forward from the Seventies and move up the social scale to enjoy the most hilariously inflated estimates of self-worth)