Tuesday, 9 August 2011

There, I fixed it

So this, in a nutshell, is how we will set out to rebuild the broken society.

Harnessing the strength of conservative values to the power of progressive ideals.

David Cameron, April 2010

After a year of harnessing the strength of conservative values to the power of progressive ideals, we now seem to be living in a J G Ballard novel:

There were huge blazes in Enfield, Croydon and Clapham Junction, with one attended by 10 fire engines...

Serious fires were also reported in Ealing, Barking and Dagenham, Greenwich, Merton and Southwark....

The Croydon Tramlink was partly broken after the extraordinary violence inflicted on the borough. Twenty miles north, smoke from a new blaze in Enfield filled the sky after looters torched a Sony CD warehouse in Solar Way...

One Ealing resident, Helen, told how she and her family had heard raiders break into the shop beneath their flat in Ealing Green last night. "We were utterly terrified and just didn't know what to do," she said. "You could hear people shouting: 'Let's start fires.' We just ran as fast as we could towards Ealing Common." They spent the night at a Premier Inn in Hangar Lane...

By 7.15pm, Tesco in Rye Lane, Peckham, had been looted of champagne. 

London Evening Standard

Next time Dave wants to fix something, maybe he should just reach for the gaffer tape, like any normal person. Or, better still, look through Yellow Pages and get a professional in.