Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Golf on trial

People facing serious charges deserve due process, a fair trial and all that stuff. But if - and I repeat if - the president of the Kent County Golf Union was to be tried and convicted of smuggling surface-to-air missiles to Iran, then the evidence supporting Linda Smith's description of golf as an "abomination" would become overwhelming.

The crimes against humanity begin with pringle sweaters and unfortunate golfing slacks. They escalate via a literal belief in the accuracy and wisdom of the sort of Daily Mail editorials that any sane person would immediately recognise as being concocted entirely out spite, ignorance and something unspeakable smelling of mildew. Before you know it you're (allegedly) selling high-tech weaponry to bloodstained God-bothering fanatical maniacs as brutal and unhinged as Torquemada.

Golf. Just say no.