Monday, 3 October 2016

The management secrets of Boris and Nigel

I, for one, will be sleeping more easily now I know that Mrs May has an actual plan for Brexit. I think this, from the Daily Mash, does a rather more thorough job than the Eurosceptic press of summarising the sort of detailed thinking and meticulous planning that must have gone into a decision that will affect all our lives for years to come:
"After careful consideration of the opinions of the cleverest 52 per cent of the population, I am convinced that sticking it to bossy Germans, arrogant French and stubbly bone idle Spanish is the best direction for our country.

"Of all the challenges facing our nation, the greatest is the existence of foreigners. I firmly believe we should focus on antagonising them, and that creating a massive bureaucratic headache is the best way to do this.

"This nation will thrive if it continues to make everyone’s lives difficult for no real reason..."
When you put it like that, you might think that now would be a bad time to look to the people responsible for the national omnishambles for guidance.

But you'd be wrong. The career advice site expecteer dot com is now offering up the careers of Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage to aspiring young executives as shining examples ... of how not to action your key deliverables:
What can you, as a manager, learn from the actions of Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage?  Over-promising and failing to deliver is a fatal error in the business world.
Which would be funny, if the racist floor mop and Kermit's evil twin hadn't already turned our entire damn country into a horrible cautionary tale, designed to bring other nations to their senses:
As we Brits are already doomed, you might as well give up, relax, sit back, make a cup of tea, and spend your remaining time watching this adorable bat being adorable:
According to the warning at the end of the video, you shouldn't handle bats unless you're vaccinated and trained, as they can carry deadly viruses and even baby bats can bite and scratch. Unless, of course, you live in Britain, where getting scratched by a bat and catching a deadly virus means that you may never have to listen to the phrase "Brexit means Brexit" ever again.