Asking nicely

Socialising a four-year-old-child is a marathon, not a sprint. You've just got to keep on endlessly repeating the same message (in different forms) if you want to win the war of etiquette attrition.

Child: I want juice!

Parent [feigns deafness]:    ...

Child: I want juice!

Parent: Did you say something?

Child: I want juice!

Parent: Pardon?

Child: I WANT JUICE!!

Parent: If you want juice, how do you ask for it nicely?

Child [rolls eyes and pulls beseeching face]: I REALLY want some juice.

Parent: If you want somebody to give you something, there's a special word you need to use.

Child: Thank you!

Parent: How about the special word that starts with a "p"?

Child [repeats eye-rolling, gurning performance]: PLEEEESE may I have some juice?

Parent: Of course. Thank you for asking nicely.

Repeat for every new request the child makes over a period of several months. It pays off in the end.

By the time people are grown up, most of them have mastered basic civility. Unless they grow up to be something really important, say the Director-General of the British Retail Consortium. Really important grown ups demand, rather than saying please:

[Stephen] Robertson [director-general of the British Retail Consortium] said: "Against a background of deteriorating sales, the Chancellor needs to support retail in creating new jobs."

The use of "needs" here is a common trope in business lobbying of government. Bosses present themselves not as supplicants ("we ask the government to reconsider") nor as opponents ("fight the cuts") but rather as superior discerners of the future, of what needs to happen. In this way, a sectional interest becomes framed as a claim to necessity.

Notes Chris Dillow.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we expected our VIPs to attain the same standard of civility as a well-brought up four year old?

Lobbyist: You need to give us more juice!

Minister: When we want something, there's a special word we need to use. Can you remember what it is?