Aces high

I'm back. Having had the leisure for a few minutes' idle surfing since I got back, I see that Jake1 at Metafilter has been looking at the top-scoring flying aces of the Second World War and found something that surprised him:

This was going to be a post about japanese fighter ace Saburo Sakai(around 60 kills) while also mentioning Hiroyoshi "the Devil" Nishizawa, Japan's top WWII ace (around 110 kills). But while comparing them to aces of other countries I encountered something your average non-war buff american probably doesn't know. That is that about the top 60 fighter aces of WWII (and all time consequently) were all german. And where does the US rank on this list. You don't want to know.

I was looking at something similar myself a while back - in my case the top-scoring aces from each country in all conflicts. Here are the results. I can't vouch for 100% accuracy - individual kill tallies are often disputed and I didn't have time for exhaustive fact-checking, but the figures are hopefully in the right ball-park). I, too, got a few surprises:

Germany Luftwaffe Erich "Bubi" Hartmann 352

Finland Finnish Air Force Ilmari Juutilainen Finland Finnish Air Force 94

Japan Tetsuzo Iwamoto Japan Imperial Japanese Navy 94 (202 according to his personal combat record)

France René Fonck Aéronautique Militaire 75

United Kingdom Edward Mannock Royal Flying Corps, Royal Air Force 73

Canada Billy Bishop Royal Flying Corps, Royal Air Force 72

Soviet Union Ivan Kozhedub Soviet Air Force 62

South Africa A.F.W. Beauchamp-Proctor Royal Flying Corps, Royal Air Force 54

Australia Robert A. Little Royal Naval Air Service, Royal Air Force 47

Romania Alexandru Şerbănescu Romanian Air Force 47

Croatia Mato Dukovac Croatian Air Force 44

United States Richard I. Bong U.S. Army Air Forces 40

Spain Joaquin Morato Nationalist Air Force 40

Belgium Willy Coppens (Willy O. F. J. Coppens de Houthulst) Belgian Military Aviation 37

Austria-Hungary Godwin Brumowski Luftfahrtruppen 35

Italy Francesco Baracca Corpo Aeronautico Militare 34

Ireland Brendan Eamon Fergus "Paddy" Finucane Royal Air Force 32

Slovakia Ján Režňák Slovak Air Force 32

Hungary Dezso Szengyorgyi Hungarian Air Force 30½

New Zealand Alan Christopher Deere Royal Air Force 22

Poland Stanisław Skalski Polish Air Force/RAF 18

Czechoslovakia Karel Kuttelwascher Royal Air Force 18 (20?)

Israel Col. (Ret.) Giora Epstein Israeli Air Force 17 (top scoring jet ace)

North Vietnam Nguyễn Văn Cốc North Vietnam Air Force 9

There are more surprises here than the huge gap between Germany's top aces and those and all other nations (an understandably forgotten fact, given that those incredibly high scores were achieved by Luftwaffe pilots fighting in the service of a truly vile regime). The next highest-scoring national ace was from Finland? The United States' highest-scoring ace beaten by a Romanian and a Croatian (best not to not to mention the cheese-eating surrender monkeys). No doubt I'll look more closely at these figures and related topics in future posts.

One more thing, before I go...

Couldn't resist having one more play with the David Cameron Election poster generator. This one's for all the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band fans out there.

Mañana, iguanas.

Short intermission

There will be a short pause in blogging, as I'm away for three days from tomorrow. My mother's moving house and I'll be helping out. I've just about packed my travelling-light bag.

Packing my bag reminded me of one of those really old, very slightly humorous lists which has been hanging about the Internet since before Google was a glint in Larry Page's eye. Entitled "Cool Things About Being a Man", it includes the observation that 'a five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase'. It's a stereotype, but from my partner's reaction when I said I'd be taking one small piece of hand luggage on my coach journey, I think it's one with a nutritious kernel of truth.

Along with the fact that I don't have to factor in any extra hair-drying time after my morning shower (my profile picture illustrates this point more directly than mere words), I think the ability to travel light is, in general, one of the great things about being a bloke. A small sports bag. Three pairs of socks, ditto underpants and three t-shirts to wear. A compact sponge bag with the bare toiletry essentials. The trousers and outer clothing layers I'll be wearing will be good for three days. Light and portable, even allowing for an airport thriller and a portable CD player with some music CDs and an audio book to guard against the possibility of in-coach boredom. No worries. Sorted.

I'm sure that there are women who travel as light as I do, with as little fuss, but I believe that they're in a minority. Men may start wars, have less emotional intelligence and die earlier, but, in general, the ability to travel light without the fuss and bother of hauling great trunks of clothes and other mysterious feminine accessories around is one of the great life-skills and joys of being a man.

Abnormal blogging to be resumed as soon as possible.

The new face of Clinique

As an antidote to the most hopeless, pointless, soul-destroying pre-election battle in years, I've jumped on the bandwagon and had fun creating my own Alice In Wonderland-themed election poster. It is an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own - if you can do better, you can do so here. Many people already have. Here's the Ranter on how this went viral, as I believe they say these days.

I am not the Egg Man

In a transparent bid to sound like an ordinary bloke, Peter Mandelson has expressed an unexpected enthusiasm for “perfectly formed Creme Eggs.” I don't believe the Dark Lord's ever eaten such a common, non-aspirational piece of confectionery as a Creme Egg in his life. No, he's a slim-sophisticated-profoundly-dark-bitter-after-dinner-mint-hand-crafted-by-artisan-chocolatiers-from-the-very-finest-single-estate-high-cocoa-chocolate man if ever I saw one*.

Unless of course “perfectly formed Creme Eggs” was some sort of beastly euphemism over which we should draw a discreet veil.

*There's the germ of an entertaining game here. Match the politician with the appropriate confectionery product. What fun.

Panic attack

Fresh measures to track terror suspects and strengthen airport security after the attempted Christmas Day bomb plot have been announced by Gordon Brown.

Sez the Beeb. Whatever happened to the British stiff upper lip? When other people in the world are having to deal with real problems, our elected leaders (aided by unelected mandarins and spin-doctors) are flapping around like clucking mother hens, just because some incompetent loon with a chip on his shoulder set fire to his underwear in a pathetic attempt to cause panic.

I fear the Pants Bomber and our elected leaders have rather too much in common, sharing both an uncritical propensity to act on the basis of weird, implausible fairy tales and the desire to scare people into obedient acquiescence.

"Panic Button" picture via Michael Greenwell, who has posted links to some interesting video content recently, including this thought-provoking film from a couple of years ago and this classic, hilarious TV chat show moment from way back when I were nobbut a young whippersnapper.

Out of the mouths of babes 2

Tom, having just got out of the bath this morning:

"I want my knees safe."